Sadness is the surprise heroine in the wonderful movie Inside Out. Though Joy captures us with her wit and energy, it is the slow and burdensome blue girl that finally allows for healing after a painful life transition. This movie serves a wise reminder that all feelings are honorable if not also humorous in their universality.
Inside Out lends reflection to how we can support our children with their sadness. This is no small task considering the pain of observing our children suffer or grieve. We would do anything to not have our children feel sad! However, teaching our children how to allow for unhappiness is a powerful life skill. The following are tools for this practice:
*Self-reflection in how we as adults relate to our own sadness is necessary if we are to guide our children through the inevitable losses in life. How do you experience sadness? How do you grieve? What messages did you receive about crying? With this knowledge we are better equipped for mindful support of what is new emotional territory for our kids.
*Next, seek to empathize. Name the feelings you are observing in your child, help them describe the color and texture of their pain. Demonstrate that you are trying to truly understand this sadness of theirs. Relate your experiences of feeling depressed and how you cope. “Mary, you are crying. I wonder if you are sad about something that happened at school today? I love you and I know you are hurting. It makes my heart hurt a little too. Would you like to sit with me and talk?”
*Finally, know that children are resilient and innately able to cope when they feel supported and understood. When parents and caregivers show up fully to witness, normalize, and explore sadness young people will develop emotional intelligence. They will be able to access their own wisdom thereby learning how to solve their own problems and tolerate distress.
Inside Out is a fun and touching film of a family learning to do just this.
